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My first blog...EVER!

So here it is, my first blog ever. This has truly years in the making, and today is finally the day that we hit "publish". My sincere hope is that this website and our blogs will be an outlet for us, and you, to talk freely and honestly about all of our experiences living with ED and BD, and how we can help and motivate each other through the good days and the not so good days.

Monica and I were talking and trying to figure out exactly how to get started. We honestly have no idea what we are doing, so we are just taking it step by step, blog by blog. Being perfectionists (to a fault) by nature, you can imagine that this is all the more difficult. Not having a plan, per se, and just "winging it" doesn't make an OCD perfectionist feel very comfortable...quite the opposite, but a very wise friend told me in group one day that "you have to get comfortable being uncomfortable". Well, mission accomplished...but I know that this is for the greater good, not just for me, but for all of us. The times in my life when I have been the most vulnerable and uncomfortable are the times when I have seen the greatest amount personal growth. Funny how that happens.

To get started, Monica and I both decided that we would pull some of our journal entires over the past few years. If you don't have a journal, we would highly recommend it. I understand about being too busy, because that is always my excuse. My small group leader suggested a "One Thought Journal", which is just thought for the day. I open the notes app in my phone and jot down the highlights of the day, or a specific event that happened, or just how I am feeling. It is amazing to go back years later and see where you were, what you were doing and how you have grown. It also triggers memories of good times and bad times, and what or who contributed to those memories.

This first journal entry is from April 15, 2015. For context, Laura is my best friend from high school. I can talk to her about my issues as openly as I can talk to Monica because she has battled her own demons over the years. My group is referring to my small group from church. They have been instrumental in my spiritual growth and development, as well as embracing me and loving me unconditionally. This was the night that I finally broke down and told them about my past with my eating disorder, and my current battle with body dysmorphia. Vulnerability is not fun, but it is so freeing. It brings light to the darkness.

Weds 4/15/15: Worst day of spiritual warfare in a long time. Asked Laura and Monica for prayers. Got good advice from Laura that I gave her before. Very comforting. Still felt a consuming darkness over this BD issue. Asked my group for prayer and let them in more in my issue. They surrounded me with love and support. Left feeling like the weight had been lifted off my shoulders for today.

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